Conversations
by Amphitrite II
Summary: DISCONTINUED. Conversations rather long ones my Yu-Gi-Oh! muses and I have. Long and VERY funny. Or at least I thought so.
1. I'll Give You Two Quarters

A/n: I'm trying really hard to rid of my writing block. . Stupid blocks! 

Disclaimer: I own Lei and two shiny quarters...that I had to give to Yami Malik...so now, I own Lei. I think.

For those of you who are slow...I am Lei...

----

Lei: This should be fun.

Yami: Define fun.

Isis: Fun. Something that provides amusement.

Bakura: IT'S AN EXPRESSION!

Lei: ...kind of. Something fun to rid of my writing block.

Malik: Are you sure you're not just too lazy to write?

Lei: [horrified] NO! I will never be too lazy to write!

Serenity: Unfortunately.

Faye: [comes stomping out of a room labeled...Faye's room][drags Seto to them] There. YOU keep him. [stomps back to the room]

Seto: [eyes widen and grabs chocolate out of Yami Malik's pocket] SUGAR! [starts eating]

Y. Malik: [angrily] How dare you steal my chocolate...you..you..you PRIEST PERSON!

Seto: [ignores Y. Malik]

Yami: [raises an eyebrow at Y. Malik's so-called insult]

Lei: Hey Yugi!

Yugi: [pops out of nowhere] Yes?

Lei: GIRL SCOUTS!!!!! (A/n: From my Yu-Gi-OH! MST fic...)

Yugi: [screams and runs into a door labeled Ryou's Room and slams the door]

Isis: Wrong door...

Malik: 3...2...1...

Yugi: [yells loudly OOC] WHAT THE HELL, RYOU?!? [runs out of room and shuts door quickly] [cowers in the corner]

Yami: What was he yelling about? [walks into a room labeled...Cars] (A/n: READ, YAMI! READ!!)

****

5 seconds later...

Yami: [shrieks] Oh my Ra! [slams door behind him]

All: [odd looks]

Y. Malik: [boredly] What now?

Yami: TRISTAN!!..HE'S BACK!!!

Serenity: [raises eyebrow] Back from where?

Yami: [points at Bakura accusingly] Bakura killed him last week!

Bakura: It was your idea!

Yami: Well, you could've talked me out of it!

(A/n: Three guesses what show that quote was from!)

Bakura: You're an egotistical pharaoh! Nobody can talk you out of anything!

Lei: [glares pointedly at Bakura]

Bakura: ...except Lei?

Lei: [smiles]

Yami: I am not an egotistical pharaoh! [glares at Bakura]

Bakura: [glares back]

Yami and Bakura: [glaring contest]

Yami and Bakura: [change into a 'if looks could kill' contest]

Lei: [realization dawning] [slowly] Wait........you killed Tristan? I have to kill you now!

Yami and Bakura: [stop glaring and look at Lei]

Bakura: ....why?

Yami: Do you have something for him?

Lei: [makes face] EW, NO! (A/n: No offense, Tristan fans) [shrugs] I've just always wanted to say that.

Yami and Bakura: -_-

Malik: Wait a minute...Why was Kaiba in Faye's room?

Seto: [munches on chocolate] ...?

Lei: [matter-of-factly] They had to write the script. Faye needed help on the computer.

All: [not believing]

Lei: [shrugs] You're on your own, Seto.

Seto: [finishes candy bar] ...?

Serenity: [screams]

All: [look at her]

Serenity: [sly grin]

All: [turn back to where Seto was]

Yami: HE'S GONE!

Bakura: [to Lei] CURSE YOU STUPID AUTHOR!

Lei: [innocently] What did I do?

Bakura: ~_~

Serenity: Seto, you owe me big time!

Y. Malik: YOU EVIL...WHEELER GIRL!

Malik: Gee, Yami. You seem to be deprived of insults toady.

Yugi: [from the corner] Sugar?

All: -_-;

Isis: You know, you people are getting stranger each day.

All: [glare]

Yami: And you're not?

Isis: [death glare]

Lei: This is fun!

Bakura: Define fun.

Isis: Fun. Something that pro--

Yami: [screams] CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND IT'S AN EXPRESSION, CRAZY WOMAN?!?

Serenity: [mutters] Please don't start this over again...please...

Malik: [grabs a tub of popcorn]

Lei: [looks at popcorn] ............POPCORN ATTACK!!

Y. Malik: [mutters] And they say I'M getting stranger.. [rolls eyes]

Yugi: [joins the group] What's a popcorn attack?

Lei: [slowly] ...I'm not exactly sure...I think I saw it on TV once...

Serenity: [yells] For the last time, they made me do it! They did it against my will! AAAAUGHHH!!!! STUPID POPCORN!!! [stomps into a room labeled Serenity's Room and shuts door loudly] STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!!!!!

All: O_o;

Bakura: What's with her?

Isis: [shrugs] No idea.

Malik: This IS fun!

Lei: [huggles Malik] YAY! FUN! TORTURING! FUN! EVILLISH! FUN!

Malik: o_O AAAHH! Can't breathe...

Y. Malik: Keep your grimy hands off of him, YOU AUTHOR...PERSON! 

Yami: -_-; Again with the lame insults...

Y. Malik: [continues] HE'S MINE!!! HE'S ALL MINE!!!! [evil laugh]

Bakura: What are you...gay?

Y. Malik: [horrified] NO!!! 

All: -___-;;

Lei: [hugs Malik protectively] NO! He's mine! Right, Malik? [gives Malik evil glare]

Malik: [feebly, gasping for air]...right. [faints on Lei's shoulder]

Yugi: [goes beserk] CALL THE POLICE!! CALL THE PARAMEDICS! THE FIRE PEOPLE!!

Isis: [raises eyebrow] The Firefighters?

Yugi: YEAH! THEM! CALL THEM! CALL THE AMBULANCE!!!! [screams] CALL THE 9-1-1 GUY FOR THE DARK MAGICIAN'S SAKE!!!

Lei: -_- That has to be the lamest substitute for "God"...ever.

Bakura: [grabs phone and dials 911]

Random 911 Person: Hello, 911 service here. Our job is to help you.

Bakura: Hi. Are you the 9-1-1 guy?

Random 911 Person: [sarcastically] No, I'm Maximillion Pegasus.

Bakura: [screams girlish-ly and drops the phone] AAAAAH!!!!!!! IT'S PEGASUS! HE'S COME TO STEAL MISTER FLUFFY!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! [runs around screaming]

All: -_-;;

Random 911 Person: Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? [mutters] Another stupid author?

Lei: [turns red] [picks up the phone, dragging Malik with her] YOU STUPID PHONE ANSWERING PERSON!!! 

Yami: That's another lame insu--Oh wait. She always does that. Never mind.

Lei: [glares at Yami][to the 911 person] I AM NOT A STUPID AUTHOR!!

Y. Malik: Actually, you are.

Lei: [hangs up phone] [glares at Y. Malik]

Yugi: [calms down] [to Bakura] Who's Mister Fluffy?

Bakura: Uh...nobody...

All: Right...

Ryou: [peeks head out of the door] IT'S HIS PINK TEDDY BEAR WITH THE WHITE BOW ON IT'S HEAD!! [goes back to his room]

Bakura: [blushes] [laughs nervously]

Yami: Bakura has a pink teddy bear!

Bakura: SHUT UP YOU STUPID PHARAOH!! [runs to Ryou's room]

****

A few seconds later...

Bakura: BLUE RA!! RYOU!! WHAT THE HELL? [runs out of the room and slams the door closed]

Yami: [raises eyebrow] Blue Ra?

Y. Malik: Why not Red Ra?

Bakura: Purple Ra?

Lei: [suddenly] I JUST REMEMBERED! I HAVE AUTHORESS POWERS! [revives Malik]

Isis: [looks at her little brother]

Malik: Ugh...FRESH AIR!

Isis: [looks at Malik curiously]

Malik: [screams] STOP LOOKING AT ME!

Isis: [backs up] [holds her hands up defensively] S-sorry!

Lei: [hugs Malik]

Malik: [groans] Not again.

Y. Malik: [angrily] I TOLD YOU! MALIK'S MINE!!

Yami: [boredly] Shut up, Seth.

Y. Malik: [reddens] DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Lei: [looks around] Who's Seth?

Y. Malik: ...me.

Lei: [snickers] You're the Yami of my favorite character so I won't crack up and roll around laughing my head off, so--oh, who gives! [cracks up and rolls on the floor laughing her head off]

Yami: I wish someone could take her head off.

Lei: [stops laughing aburptly] That wasn't funny. [resumes laughing]

Bakura: [whiny] Can I leave?

Lei: [stops laughing and stands up] No. You live inside my head, remember?

Isis: If we live inside your head, why are you here?

Malik: This isn't really her. It's just a holographic vision that she imagined up.

Lei: Awww, I love you, Malik.

Malik: [stares disgustedly at her]

Lei: NOT THAT WAY!!

Y. Malik: FOR THE LAST FREAKIN' TIME, HE'S MINE!!!!!!!

Lei: [whispers] Hey Yami Malik. 

Y. Malik: Yes?

Lei: I'll offer you two quarters for him.

Y. Malik: [grins] You're on! [puts hand out]

Lei: [hands Y. Malik two shiny quarters and grabs Malik] YAY! You're all mine now!

Malik: [whiny] [to Y. Malik] I thought you were supposed to be protecting me, Yami?

Y. Malik: Oooh...shiny...[admires the quarters]

Malik: [crosses arms] _ Meany.

-----

A/n: Review for me! Please?

-Amphitrite o.w.k.a. (Otherwise Known As) Lei


	2. It's ISHTAR!

A/n: I'm at a loss for words!

Bakura: [sarcastically] How depressing.

Me: Shut up.

----

Lei: Aww...would you look at that...Bakura and Yami are arguing again.

Isis: How is that 'aww'?

Lei: [shrugs]

Serenity: [pops head out of her room] [looks around the room] Seto! When we going to get the wedding 

dress?

Bakura and Yami: [stop arguing]

Malik: ...wedding dress?

Serenity: -_- Really, Ishtar. Are you deaf?

Seto: In the morning.

Serenity: It IS the morning.

Seto: Oh. ^_^;

Lei: [slowly] Wait...wedding?

Yami: Dress?

Serenity: [impatiently] Really, what is with everyone today? Has the entire world gone deaf?

Bakura: [shrugs] Maybe.

Lei: [slowly] You're getting married?!?

Seto: No...where did you get that idea?

Lei: [oblivious to that last comment] [yells] DIE!!! DIE YOU EVIL SILENTSHIPPING FICS!! DIE!!!

Yugi: Lei? Lei? [jumps up and grabs onto Lei's shoulder] Lei?

Lei: [runs around screaming: NO!! SETO BELONGS WITH JOEY! NO!! with Yugi hanging on her shoulder, 

clinging for life]

Bakura: This is just...scary.

Seto: [tries to make out Lei's screams] ...o...eto...belongs...with...jo...e...[whitens] WHAT?!? 

Malik: [snickers loudly]

Yami: Shut up, Malik. Have some respect for your creator.

Malik: ....Lee-lee isn't my creator...

Yami: ...Oh. Proceed in laughing then.

Lei: [still running around with Yugi] AAH! STOP CALLING ME LEE-LEE!!

Malik: [smirks] I'd like to see you make me.

Lei: [stops] [glares daggers at Malik] [slowly] Don't tempt me, Ishtar-chan. 

Malik: Why is everyone calling me by my surname today?

Bakura: [smirks] I don't know...Ishtaru.

Malik: [screams in frustration] IT'S ISHTAR!!

Bakura: Whatever you say, Ishtaru.

Serenity: [suddenly] WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING DRESS?

Isis: [raises eyebrow] I thought you two weren't getting married?

Serenity: [flatly] We're not.

Yugi: [falls off Lei's shoulder]

Seto: Lei..? What was that that you said about me and Joey?

Lei: Oh. That you belong together.

Seto: [yells] BUT I'M NOT FREAKING GAY!!

Yami: Tsk. Tsk. You're in denial, Priest.

Seto: [death glare at Yami] Like the way you are with Yugi?

Yami: [freezes] ...what?

Seto: Oh, nothing. 

Yami: [glares] YOU SAID SOMETHING!!

Yugi: [sits up] Yami, are you...

Yami: [shrieks and runs into his room]

Serenity: THE DRESS, PEOPLE! THE DRESS!! THINK OF THE DRESS!

Seto: [throws his hands in the air] SCREW YOUR DAMN DRESS!

(A/n: Ooh...the game of Catching Seto Kaiba's Hand When They Land)

Bakura: Ooh, colorful language.

Isis: [shakes head sadly] Men. (A/n: NOT SEXIST!)

All except Lei: HEY!

Lei: Renity-chan...you're not a guy.

Serenity: ^_^; Oh. 

All: -_-;

Serenity: [goes back to her room]

Weevil: [suddenly appears] HEEHEEHEEHEE!! 

(A/n: His evil laugh is...strange. Pegasus' is better.)

Lei: HEY! BUG BOY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HEAD?

Weevil: Drinking?

Lei: [screams] NO ALCHOHOL IN LEI'S HEAD!

Bakura: Oh...oops. [hides bottle behind him]

Weevil: ...I thought you were Lei?

Lei: JUST...JUST GET OUT OF HERE!

Isis: AAAAAAAHHH....screaming...headache...ow...[runs into her room]

Yugi: You know, Weevil, I would advise you to leave. Before she blows.

Weevil: ...

Lei: I ALREADY ASKED YOU ONCE, YOU HARRY-POTTER LOOK-ALIKE!!! [pushes Weevil into a door labeled-------The Happy Bunny Room]

Weevil: This is the evil room that Yu--[falls into the everlasting darkness and never ending pit]

Lei: [rolls eyes] How else do you think I got so many Funny Bunny fans to fall into a never-ending abyss?

Bakura: [shudders] Pegasus. 

Malik: Bunny-boy?

Lei: [raises eyebrow] Bunny-boy?

Seto: I think he means Pegasus.

Malik: [nods]

Yugi: I wonder what Ryou's doing?

Lei: What did you and Bakura freak out about, anyway?

**Flashback**

Yugi: [screams and runs into a door labeled Ryou's Room and slams the door]

Isis: Wrong door...

Malik: 3...2...1...

Yugi: [yells loudly OOC] WHAT THE HELL, RYOU?!? [runs out of room and shuts door quickly] [cowers in 

the corner]

**End of Flashback**

**Flashback**

Yami: Bakura has a pink teddy bear!

Bakura: SHUT UP YOU STUPID PHARAOH!! [runs to Ryou's room]

A few seconds later...

Bakura: BLUE RA!! RYOU!! WHAT THE HELL? [runs out of the room and slams the door closed]

**End of Flashback**

Yugi and Bakura: Um...^__^;

Lei: What was Ryou doing?

Yugi: Um...

Bakura: I think...I think it'd be mean to Aibou if we told you...

Lei: [narrows eyes] And WHEN have YOU started to care for Ryou, BAKURA?

Bakura: [protests] HEY! I find that offensive. I care for Ryou lots. [sniffles]

Lei: Tell me...Tell ME....TELL me.....

Both: [shake heads]

Lei: AAAAAAAAHHHH! JUST TELL ME...or I'll pair you up with MALIK!

Both: [scream]

Lei: [crosses arms] Hey, Malik's cute. I'd want to be paired up with him.

Malik: Yeah. I'm cute. But please don't pair me up with you.

Bakura: No, he's not.

Malik: YES I AM!

Seto: I agree!

All: [stare at Seto]

Seto: Um..I said, Look, it's Joey!

Lei: HA! See, I told you that you two belong together. 

Seto: [blushes] I didn't mean it that way!

Yugi: -_- Ugh. 

Lei: HEY! YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE SCREAMING ABOUT!

Bakura: Uh-oh. 

Yugi: [starts mumbling about pink frilly dresses and ribbons]

Lei: WHAT?!?

Bakura: FINE! Ryou was in his room..with Téa...TÉA of all people...having a tea party...and they were 

both wearing frilly pink dresses and white ribbons!!

Yugi: [sobs] You do know that Ryou's going to kill you.

Bakura: US. Kill US.

Yugi: [backs up] Oh, no. YOU. Kill YOU. You're the one that just blabbed it to Lei!

Malik: Ah, shut up. So Ryou'll come out here and kill you. No big deal. [shrugs nonchalantly]

Both: [glare at Malik]

Malik: [smirks]

Seto: I'm lost.

Bakura: Too bad.

Lei: OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO SEE THIS! [runs into Ryou's room] [finds Ryou lying on the bed, reading a 

book] [runs back out and shuts the door] He heard us. He was pretending to read.

Bakura: How do you know that he wasn't really reading?

Lei: [whacks Bakura in the head with a ruler] You dolt. I'm not THAT dense. He was holding it upside 

down.

Malik: Oh, you're not THAT dense. You're DENSER.

Lei: [screams a warcry]

All: ...

Lei: That's fun! ^-^ 

All: -__- That's it. She's officially gone more insane than we had ever imagined she could be.

Lei: But of course! More insaness...[evil grin]...equals more torture...

A/n: Another chapter done! I'm so proud of myself! 

Malik: [sarcastically] Yippee. More torture for us.

Yami: [relieved] At least I'm only half in this chapter!

Me: ^-^ Don't worry! That means you'll been in a half extra in some other chapter!

Yami: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Me: [pats Yami on the head]

Yami: [angrily] DO NOT TOUCH THE HAIR!

Me: [mutters] Touchy, touchy.

Review!!

~Amphitrite/Lei


	3. You Won't Escape

Lei: [sighs happily]

Faye: [irritated] What now?

Lei: [grins stupidly] Malik's mine now, remember?

Malik: [in agony] ...glomping...hugs...Lee-lee...ugh.[slumps to the floor] .

Lei: [screams] DON'T CALL ME LEE-LEE!!!

Y. Malik: Okay...Lee-lee.

Lei: [angrily] You're the Yami of Mawiky so I won't make you go through the same torture I made Bakura go through....but I swear, if you make one more comment about my name...[makes motion across her neck]

Y. Malik: [gulps]

Yami: [snickers] Mawiky?

Lei: [nods brightly] Yep. [hugs Malik]

Ryou: [curiously] What torture did you subject my Yami to?

Lei: [hugs Ryou, dragging Malik with her] Aw...cute lil' Ryou's worried 'bout his Yami?

Ryou: -_-

Lei: I let Faye be in charge of the torture...

Ryou: [eyes widen] Uh-oh....Faye...what did you do to Bakura?

Faye: [smirks evilly] Do you REALLY want to know?

Ryou: Do I?

Faye: No.

Ryou: ...

Yami: Tell!

Faye: Nah, I'd think I'd hurt Ryou's feelings.

Malik: [gasps] Faye! You said something nice! 

Faye: -_- [sarcastically] And the joy of it is just so overwhelming.

Yami: [randomly] I hate you, Lei.

Faye: [sarcastically] Join the club.

Lei: [drops Ryou and Malik] [hugs Yami] Why?

Yami: o.o Pharaoh's don't hug!

Lei: They do now! 

Yami: [wriggles free of her grasp] [runs as far from her as possible. 

Lei: [chases him] Why do you hate me?

Y. Malik: I don't blame him.

Ryou: Me either.

Malik: Ditto that.

Y. Malik, Ryou, and Malik: [look at the open door labeled Escape room]

Y. Malik: FRE--[lowers to a whisper] dom!

Lei: [still chasing Yami] I HEARD THAT!

Ryou: Damn it.

Malik: [snickers]

Ryou: [indignant] What?

Malik: I've never heard you cuss before.

Ryou: -.-

Lei: [stops]

Yami: [stops]

Y. Malik: [cocks head to the side] Why'd you stop?

Lei: [looks at the ceiling] The reader is getting bored.

Malik: Are you saying that he/she wasn't already bored?

Lei: [sniffles]

All: [sigh]

Ryou: [boredly] Now what?

Lei: [shrugs] I have a TPSC meeting.

Yami: TPSC?

Lei: The Torture of Poor Souls Clique.

Y. Malik: -_- So that's where she's learning all this stuff.

Lei: [brightly] It's the best place for authors who want to torture their favorite characters!! Anyone want to join?

Malik: No thanks.

Lei: Gotta run! 

Faye: [cackles evilly] I'M IN CHARGE!!!

  
Lei: [glares] No, you're coming with me.

Faye: AWWWW...[groans] Wait a second...The Torture of Poor Souls Clique? [grins evilly] I could teach some people something...[follows Lei out the door]

Lei: [turns back] DON'T YOU DARE ESCAPE! OR I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN!!

All: [fake innocence] Why would we do that?

Lei: [narrows eyes and leaves]

Ryou: [happily] Let's leave!

All: [nod] [walk to where Lei and Faye left]

****

There's no door. It's gone.

Yami: Where did the door go?

Y. Malik: It ran away.

Ryou: Now what?

Malik: [waves hand] I know! Let's have a party!

All: Okay.

Yami: Who do we invite?

Ryou: Only her muses live here, remember?

Y. Malik: [starts flinging open doors] PARTY! SHE'S GONE!

Serenity: [eagerly] Will there be caffeine?

Seto: [just as eagerly] Sugar?

Ryou: Frilly pink dresses?

All: o_O What?

Ryou: [laughs nervously] Never mind.

Isis: Where do we have this 'party'?

All: [point to a door with a sign that says: This is where you have the party]

Isis: [sweatdrop] Oh.

All: [run to the door]

****

Everyone reaches and pulls the handle, only to find that it is locked.

All: T_T IT'S LOCKED!!

***

****

Meanwhile, at a TPSC meeting...

Lei: [grins evilly] You won't escape! [laughs evilly]

Other insane authors: [nod in understanding]

***

****

Back to our 'heros'...

Y. Malik: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Yami: First, we can't escape, and now we can't have a party?

Serenity: WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

Yugi: [sniffles] An end.

All: [sit on the ground]

Isis: Now what do we do?

Ryou: There's nothing _to _do!

Bakura: Yes, we realized that, aibou.

All: [gasp] Bakura?

Malik: [grinning evilly] I've been meaning to ask...what torture did Lei put you through? Or rather Faye?

Bakura: [gulps] Well, the thing is...[pauses]

All: [raise eyebrows]

Pegasus: [appears]

Bakura: [not seeing who it is] [runs up to Pegasus and hugs him] THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!

Pegasus: [grins happily] [hugs Bakura back] Aww...poor Baka-boy. 

Bakura: [eyes snap open] [steps back] P-PEGASUS?

Pegasus: Hug? [holds out arms]

Bakura: [screams] [runs to the bathroom] DISGUSTING!

****

The group can hear puking. 

All except Pegasus: -_-; 

Y. Malik: [stares at Pegasus] What are you doing here?

Malik: Yeah! You're not one of Lee-lee's muses!

Seto: Imagine that.

All except Pegasus: [shudder]

****

Out of nowhere, they can hear a voice yelling: DON'T CALL ME LEE-LEE!!

Malik: Unfortunately, I think she can hear us.

****

Voice: Aww, I love my muses. NOT THAT WAY YOU IDIOT! [pauses] What? The microphone isn't turned off? Oops. The green button? What green button? Oh thi--

All: ???

Pegasus: [creeps quietly to the Happy Bunny Room door] [walks in] I wonder what this---[screams] [pause] Weevil-boy? I've been meaning to ask you a question. Why do you blush like a girl?

Serenity: [walks over to the door] [shuts it] [dusts off her hands] That's the end of that!

Yami: That was scary.

All: [nod in agreement]

Malik: Now what?

Seto: [grabs onto Yami's leg] [in monotone] I am your servant...

Yami: [shakes his leg] Get off, Kaiba!

Seto: Hello Yami. I am your servant. You are my master.

Yami: [tries to pry Seto off] GET OFF!

Others: -__-

Malik: [suddenly] YAMI MALIK! STOP IT!

Y. Malik: [snickers]

Seto: [returns to normal] [looks around confusedly] ...

All: [snicker quietly]

Seto: WHAT?

  
Isis: [points to his clothes]

****

Seto is still wearing his clothes...except that his shirt is now white, his jeans are pink, and his trenchcoat is lavender.

Serenity: [trying to keep from cracking up] CROSS-DRESSER!

Seto: [blushes] WHAT THE HECK? MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TRENCHCOAT! WHERE DID IT GO?

Yugi: Apparently, Lei likes to poke fun at you.

  
Ryou: I thought he was one of her muses?

Yugi: Exactly.

Ryou: [sweatdrop] Oh.

Seto: Where have thou gone, trenchcoat?

All: [sweatdrop] ... Okay....

Seto: [sobs and runs into his room]

Malik: Um...yeah.

Yami: [cracks up and rolls around on the ground]

All: [ignore him]

Isis: So...what do we do now?

Y. Malik: First we burn up--

Isis: No fires.

Y. Malik: IF we did burn---

Isis: No fires.

Y. Malik: [thinks for a minute] I'VE GOT IT!

Isis: [tosses a pen at Y. Malik] NO FIRES!!

Y. Malik: [groans] You're no fun. Where's Bakura when you need him? [runs away to find him]

Serenity: I can't believe I'm saying this, but when will Lee-lee be back?

****

Suddenly, a ruler appears in midair and smacks Serenity on the head, knocking her out. 

Yugi: ...ow. That's gotta hurt.

Yami: [stops laughing and stands up] Yep. 

All: [peer closely at Serenity]

Malik: [takes her watch] [presses a button]

****

A police siren comes out. 

Bakura: [runs out of the bathroom]

Y. Malik: [runs out of a random room]

Bakura: [points at Y. Malik] IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! I DIDN'T KILL HIM, I SW--

Y. Malik: [at the same time] BAKURA DID IT! I SAW HIM STAB--

Both: [look at each other]

Bakura: Where are the security people?

Ryou: [narrows eyes at Bakura] Yami, who did you murder this time?

Bakura: It was an accident, I swear! Yami Malik was the one who stabbed him!

Y. Malik: You idiot! You're the one who stabbed him in the heart with your Millennium Ring!

Bakura: But you stabbed him in the head with your Millennium Rod!

Yami: [rolls eyes] Now, why couldn't you just be a good doing pharaoh, like me?

Y. Malik: You're not good doing.

Bakura: You killed Tristan. 

Yami: No, you killed Tristan. I had the idea to kill Tristan.

Yugi: [interrupts the three quarreling Yamis] Why did you kill Tristan?

Yami: Um...I thought he had no personality.

Bakura: I don't like his hair.

Serenity: [raises eyebrow] You killed a defenseless guy because he had no personality and awkward hair?

Yami and Bakura: Um...yeah.

Bakura: He wasn't defenseless! He gave me a freakin' black eye!

Ryou: ....riiiighhht....

A/n: That was fun!

Serenity: [anime vein pop] For you! You didn't get knocked out by a ruler!

Malik: [snickers] How humiliating.

Serenity: Shut up, Ishtar. 

Review!!

~Amphitrite/Lei


	4. It Was My Inner Child!

A/n: Uh...I forgot the disclaimer in the last three chapters. [immediately gets hit on the head with a purple rubber mallet] Stupid purple lawyers.

Malik: [snickers]

Me: Shut up. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. [wipes tear from eyes] You people make me so happy! I never thought I could get reviews to reply!

__

DeaneVC@aol.com: Sorry about being mean to Tristan! =) I'm going to revive him. Yami should read the door labels because he was trying to go into Ryou's room...but ended up in the Cars room instead. Ryou is Bakura on the American dub. Yami Bakura is shortened to just Bakura. I'm sorry if it confuses you! Um, I'm going to post my MST soon. It's not up there yet, so sorry if it confused ya. The quote is from SpongeBob...Thanks for all the nice comments! ^_^

Now for gifts...[tears of mirth] I never thought I would receive gifts to give either! 

The following are from Shiro Amayagi:

Faye~ The Kunai with Chain Card! But she says that you can only have it if you revive Tristan and kill Pegasus.

Faye: [evilly] Thank you Shiro Amayagi! And yes, I will be glad to finally murder Bunny-boy and [grumbles] I guess I'll revive Tristan. I think he's still living in the garage...which doesn't make sense because according to those two [points at Yami and Bakura], he's dead.

Everyone~ A magic card that changes them into their favorite monsters, but you can't hurt me!

Y. Malik: Then what's the use of the card?

Me: [smacks him with the Ruler of Death]

Yugi: [squeals] Thankies Shiro Amayagi! [turns himself into the Dark Magician]

Me: I GOT LOVE SPRAY! [turns to Malik] [laughs evilly] You HAVE to love me now! 

Malik: [gulp] [backs away] 

Me: Thank you, Shiro Amayagi...for all the gifts _and _the nice review! [gasps] You're the author that sat three seats to my right at the meeting!

-----

Lei: [walks in]

Faye: [follows Lei in]

Lei: [looks down at the bodies on ground, dying of boredom] [smirks] I guess it's more fun being tortured, isn't it?

Yami: [sits up straight] NO!

Ryou: So um...how was your meeting?

Faye: [cackles quietly] Authors on FF.net have been raised to an even higher torture level!! 

Malik: Does that include you?

Lei: [brightly] Yep! [raises up her pin/button/badge, which says in blinding colors: I CAN TORTURE PITIFUL SOULS, Can you?] Behold the power of The TPS Clique!

(A/n: Anyone want a button?)

All: [sweatdrop]

Faye: Excuse me, but I have some phone calls to make. [walks into Seto's room by accident] 

(A/n: Remember..Seto's clothes got dyed...)

Faye: [from room] OH MY GOD!! [they hear Faye rolling around on the ground laughing]

Seto: [from room] Uh...I can explain.

Lei: [calls to the room] So Seto, do you like your new wardrobe?

Seto: [comes stomping out] IT WAS YOU?

Lei: [nods proudly]

Seto: [holds up Lei by the neck] DIE! DIE! YOU EVIL SORCERER OF DOOM! 

Lei: o_O I'm not a sorcerer. I'm not a guy.

Seto: Um, let me rephrase that. DIE YOU EVIL SORCERESS OF BUNNIES!

Lei: [squeals] BUNNIES! Um, hold that thought. I'm allergic. 

Seto: [puts Lei down]

Lei: [breathes] Finally. The Leixygen is flowing again.

All: [silence]

Lei: [crossly] How else do you think I stay immortal?

All: [silence]

Lei: ...

All: [silence]

Lei: Okay, okay! I did it! I did it!

All: [silence]

Lei: [sobs] I KILLED MOKUBA!!! [sobs]

Seto: WHAT????

Lei: [sniffles] It was my inner child! I swear! It wasn't me! I like Mokuba! He's cool!

Seto: [glares] You killed Mokuba?

Y. Malik: [grins evilly] Silence makes people feel guilty.

Yugi: [un-Yugi-like] All that trouble I went through trying to save his soul, and you KILL him?

Lei: [sniffles] I CAN REVIVE HIM, I SWEAR!

Seto: [stomps into his room and kicks Faye out]

All: [silence]

Lei: [sniffles to herself]

All: [silence]

Lei: Okay, okay, I think killed Grandpa too!

Yugi: WHAT???

Lei: I said, "I'd like to buy a Blue Eyes card" and then he died! It wasn't my fault! [sobs] He was so nice to me! [sobs] [sniffles] I promise, I'll restore him!

Ryou: [pats Lei on the back]

Bakura: [grabs Ryou] There is ABSOLUTELY no pitying the authoress allowed!! [drags him to Bakura's Room] 

Ryou: O.o

Tristan: [walks in] ...

Lei: [stares] ...What are you?

Serenity: That's Tristan, Lei...

Tristan: Um...hi? Where am I?

Malik: Unfortunately, you have entered Lei's head. You poor, weak, mortal.

Yami: [looking pissed off] YOU! Wh-why aren't you dead? 

Tristan: [raises eyebrow] You tried to kill me? 

Yami: Bakura stabbed you with the Millennium Ring!

Tristan: The Millennium Ring pointers aren't exactly sharp, you know? I think I just fainted. I'm allergic to gold.

Y. Malik: You're _allergic _to gold? [to Yami] Pharaoh, are the Millennium Items even MADE of gold?

Yami: [shrugs] I never found out. Maybe it's plastic. Or maybe it _is _gold. 

Tristan: [grabs the Millennium Rod] 

Y. Malik: [grabs it back] KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF IT, YOU DIRTY THIEF!

Yami: [mutters] Look who's talking.

Y. Malik: HEY! 

Joey: [comes in] 

Yami: You! I sent you to the Shadow Realm.

Isis: AGAIN? What is with your obsession with sending people to the Shadow Realm?

Yami: We dueled and he lost! He had to pay the consequences! 

**Flashback**

Yami: You lost! 

Joey: Big deal, I always lose to you...or Yugi. I'm not sure which.

Yami: MIND CRUSH! [runs out of the room]

Joey: Erm...okay...was something supposed to happen to me?

**End Flashback**

Yugi: Joey? How did you escape the Mind Crush?

Joey: [shrugs] [bangs on his head] It's hollow.

Lei: [giggles insanely] He doesn't have a mind! So Yami couldn't crush anything!

Serenity: [sweatdrops] This time, your brain...or rather lack of brain...saved your life.

Lei: [hits her own head] Ow. Too many people...brain overload. 

****

Suddenly, Joey and Tristan disappear. Bakura comes back, but Ryou doesn't.

Bakura: Hello.

Lei: Er...hi. 

Pegasus: [comes crawling out of the Happy Bunny Room]

Faye: [from the ground] AAAH!! [gets up] DIE! BUNNY-BOY! DIE!

Pegasus: Where's the bunny? Where's the bunny? TELL ME! Where's the bunny?

All: -_-

Lei: HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE HAPPY BUNNY ROOM?

Pegasus: [happily] The bunny with the purple ribbon helped me.

Faye: Oh...him. [pushes Pegasus into the Never Ending Abyss of Funny Bunnies] [wipes her hands] Done! [runs to the bathroom to wash her hands with LOTS of soap]

Malik: How _did _he get out of the Happy Bunny Room?

Lei: [slowly] I'm not sure...it's never happened before...

Faye: [comes back] Mr. Fluffy. 

Bakura: [narrows eyes] MY Mister Fluffy?

Faye: [shakes head] The OTHER Mister Fluffy. The one that Yugi gave to me for my birthday. I threw it into the Happy Bunny Room. 

Yugi: Hey! I spent all my money on that plushie!

Faye: [sweatdrop] I HATE stuffed animals!

Y. Malik: Gee, you're even more cold hearted than I thought. I LOVE IT!

Faye: [slowly] .......yeah. 

Lei: [pause] Uh-oh. I think my inner child's taking over...

Isis: [raises eyebrow] Inner child?

Bakura: Taking over?

Faye: [strangely cheerful] Oh joy! Chibi Lei is FUN!

All: ...[raise eyebrows]

Yami: Chibi...Lei...?

Serenity: [pales] Oh dear heavens, no.

Lei: Yep. She's real evil and um...

****

There is a POP and green smoke appears. When it clears away, they look down, down, down, down, down...to see a tiny creature identical to Lei, but smaller and more...innocent looking.

Chibi Lei: [cheerfully] 'e 'o! (Hello!)

All: ---________---

Chibi Lei: [looks around] [stands up, then falls back down] Oof. [grabs Malik's leg] [looks up] 'i! (Hi!)

Malik: o.o Uh...hi.

Chibi Lei: [big brown chibi eyes] Pick me uwp?

Yugi: [giggles timidly] She wants you to pick her up.

Y. Malik: [bursts out laughing]

Chibi Lei: [lets go of Malik] [eyes glow red]

Faye: [cheers] Hit him with the Mallet of Death!

All except Chibi Lei: [look at Faye oddly]

Chibi Lei: [grins evilly] [holds out a rubber mallet] Otay, Fway. [whacks Y. Malik on the head]

Y. Malik: O.O Ow. [faints]

Isis: [winces] That's gotta hurt.

Serenity: [nods] Yep.

Chibi Lei: [turns to Faye] Can we pway now? 

Faye: [shrugs] Okay. Fire or knives?

Chibi Lei: [thinks for a moment] FIRE!!! [runs into a random room]

Faye: [follows her]

Y. Malik: Is it just me, or is that just...scary?

All: [nod in agreement]

Malik: -_-; At least she's not glomping me anymore.

Chibi Lei: [runs back] [drags Malik into the room]

Bakura: I think he spoke too soon.

Yami: [sarcastically] I didn't know that you COULD think at all.

Others: [sweatdrop as the two start arguing childishly]

Yugi: [sniffles] I can't believe she killed Grandpa! [runs into his room]

Yami: [stops arguing] ...should I follow him?

Y. Malik: [rolls eyes] [voice dripping with sarcasm] No, you're supposed to leave your depressed Hikari in there by himself.

Yami: [missing the sarcasm] Oh. Okay! [goes back to arguing with Bakura]

Others: ...

Isis: [screams] STOP ARGUING! [covers her ears] It's not healthy for you!! It's not healthy for me either!!!

Yami and Bakura: [stop arguing]

****

Silence. 

Bakura: [slowly] ...how is arguing with the Pharaoh bad for my health?

Isis: Well, it makes your throat --- [starts rambling about how arguing is bad for your health]

All: [silently decide to ignore her]

****

Suddenly, the room that Malik, Chibi Lei, and Faye were in burst into flames. How the others saw this, the door burnt down. Chibi Lei was dancing midst the flames while Faye was pouring fuel onto it and Malik was tied to a pole.

All: ...

****

Suddenly, Chibi Lei changes back to normal Lei and the flames die down. Faye scowls.

Y. Malik: [sarcastically] Oh. It's you again.

Lei: [glares at Y. Malik] [cheerfully] So did you have fun?

Yugi: Do you THINK we had fun?

Lei: ...I don't know. Yes?

All: [sigh]

Lei: [confused] What did I say?

A/n: Aww, writing this is so much fun! Good for getting rid of writing block too...even though it's only for a little while.

Bakura: [scowls darkly] It's only fun for you.

Me: Well, duh! Who else would I want to have fun?

Bakura: [sighs at Lei's denseness] 

Me: [grins brightly] If you want to raise my self-ego, drop a review on the way out!

Bakura: What if they don't want to raise your self-ego?

Me: [thinks for a moment] ...review anyway!!

Bakura: -__-


	5. Why Are We Poking Yami?

A/n: I own me. And Faye. Thanks, all you great reviewers! [breaks down] You're the best!!

Bakura: Don't get sappy.

Me: _

----- 

Lei: [squeals] Yami!

Yami: [to Bakura] What's wrong with her? 

Bakura: [nods knowingly] Yami Malik's using the Rod to control her.

Lei: [glomps Yami]

Yami: [pushes Lei off him] [brushes himself off] I am NOT Malik!

Lei: Malik? Where? [grabs Yami by the shoulders] TELL ME WHERE MALIK IS!

Yami: [to Bakura] Is this her again?

Bakura: -__- Unfortunately, yes.

Y. Malik: [runs in] WHAT HAPPENED? HOW COME I CAN'T CONTROL HER ANYMORE?

Lei: [lets go of Yami] Because I have mighty AUTHORESS POWERS!!! [laughs evilly] 

**Oddly enough, lightning strikes Y. Malik.**

Y. Malik: [shrieks] [runs around on fire] PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

Bakura and Yami: [look at Lei]

Lei: [innocently] I didn't do it.

Y. Malik: HELP!!

Lei: [thoughtfully] You know, it's too bad I like you. Otherwise, I'd be rolling on the ground and laughing. [makes the fire go out] [shrugs] What the heck. [rolls around on the ground laughing]

Yami: [kicks her] You know, she does this way too often. 

Y. Malik: [sizzles] [faints]

Bakura: ...That was odd.

Yami: [looks around] Where's everyone else? 

Bakura: [shrugs] Looks like it's only us Yamis today.

Faye: [runs in, swinging Kunai with Chain at Pegasus]

Pegasus: [runs away with his hands in the air, screaming girlishly]

Bakura: -_-; I take that back. 

Seto: [runs in chasing Pegasus too] FUNNY BUNNY IS EVIL!! DIE! BUNNY-MAN!! KILL!

Yami: -__-

Faye: [stops] [turns around to look at Seto] ...it's Bunny-BOY. Not Bunny-MAN.

Seto: [thoughtfully] Oh. Okay.

Faye and Seto: [resume chasing Pegasus]

Yami and Bakura: --______--

Lei: [still rolling around, laughing] 

Pegasus: [trips over Lei's rolling body] [yelps] 

Faye: [swings Kunai with Chain] AHA! Got ya now! [attempts to hook him, but only succeeds in pulling herself in]

Seto: [trips over the pile of people]

Lei: T_T [weakly] Can you please get off of me?

Seto and Faye: [get off]

Pegasus: ...

Lei: [throws Pegasus off] You too, Bunny-boy! [starts laughing again]

Yami: Why does Pegasus keep coming back? This is the third time we've seen him.

Bakura: Maybe he's become a muse of Lei's now.

Lei: [stops laughing instantly] [makes a disgusted face] No. [thoughtfully] If he were, I wonder what he would inspire me to do?

All: ???

Lei: [nods] Every one of my muses inspire me to do something. 

Serenity: [randomly runs in] I inspire her to check e-mail! [runs back out]

Bakura: What do _I inspire you to do?_

Lei: Weird pairings.

Bakura: -____- That would make sense, since I've been paired up with three different people in your stories. 

Yami: Who?

Bakura: Do you really want to know?

Yami:...yes. 

Bakura: -_-;; You, Ryou, and Malik.

Faye: [frowns] I don't remember you being paired up with Malik.

Lei: [casually] It's still in process.

Seto: Hey, idiots!

All: [glare] What did you call me?

Seto: [cowers] Nothing. But where did Pegasus go?

All: [look around]

Ryou: [runs out of his room] [grins] I tied him up and stuffed him in the closet!!

Lei: [adopts wide grin] YAY! [huggles Ryou]

Ryou: .

Yami: [to Bakura] Looks like some of your bad traits are rubbing onto Ryou.

Faye: In this case, can it really be called _bad?_

Yami: Good point.

Seto: [grins] Yes! Now we must feed him to the fish!

All: ...

Lei: [lets go of Ryou] Seto, are you thinking _wolves?_

Seto: [shakes head] ....No....fish. [suddenly adopts crazed look] The fishes...evil fishies...tried to eat my hand....evil....

Bakura: Are you afraid of fish?

Seto: [jumps a mile high and into Lei's arms] FISH? WHERE? HELP, MOMMY, I'm scared...[whimpers]

Lei: [clears throat] 

Seto: [looks around] Oh...um...sorry. [gets off of Lei quickly]

Lei: [dusts herself off] So...where were we?

Yami: Pegasus.

Lei: Ah, yes. [pretends to think of a plan] Oh heck. [runs into Ryou's room with a six foot spear]

All: -_-

Bakura: Just when you think she can't get any weirder. 

Faye: [shrugs] There's little she can do that can surprise me. [follows Lei into the room, knocking Ryou down]

Ryou: [stands up] HEY!!

Yami Malik: Hay is for horses.

Pegasus: [from inside room] ...but I'm a FLYING HORSE!!

Yami: No. You're not.

Pegasus: Yes, I am! Wheee!! [flies out of the door on a white Pegasus] [flies into a door labeled: Pegasus' Doom] 

Lei: [runs out of room] Darn. I almost poked a hole right through him.

Faye: [sobs] We let him escape! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Seto: Hm. At least he's gone.

Lei: But I wanted to spear him with my spear!! [spots Ryou] 

Ryou: [is being glomped] Ugh. Not AGAIN.

Bakura: [grabs the fallen spear] [pokes it at Lei] You stay away from my aibou!

Lei: [sweetly] Or what?

Bakura: Or…I'll…I'll…do something bad!

Faye: [sarcastically] Oh that sounds SO threatening.

Bakura: I'll burn you to death!

Yami: Why didn't you just say "I'll kill you!"??

Ryou: No killing, according to the rules.

Seto: There's rules?

Lei: Sure! [snaps fingers] ****

**A huge rulebook appears. It's labeled "Da Rules".**

Lei: [flips open] Section 4, page 452, paragraph 3, sentence 72 clearly states that there is no brutal killing permitted in Lei's head. You may do slow deaths such as burning, food poisoning, etc.

**Book disappears.**

Lei: [grins]

All: …

Lei #2: [walks in from door] Hi guys! I'm back! 

All: …

Faye: [crossly] How was the meeting? [mumbles about not getting to go]

Yami: What meeting?

Ryou: But, if you're here…

Bakura: Then who's that? [points to Lei]

Lei #2: IMPOSTER!!

Lei: You idiots! I'm the real Lei!

Lei #2: Who the hell are you?

Yami: [looks between them] Um…

Ryou: Lei wouldn't call me an idiot……..would she?

Bakura: [slowly] [evil grin] There's only one test.

Faye: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Bakura: I don't know, are you thinking of how nice Ryou looks in those pants?

Faye: [makes face] Eww…no. I was thinking more along the lines of—

Seto: Strawberry flavored sugar?

Faye: -__-; Um, no. 

Yami: I know what you're thinking.

Faye: [smirks] Oh, MALIK!!!

Lei #2: WHERE?!?! I DON'T SEE HIM!! [hysterical]

Malik: [walks out of his room] [crossly] What.

Faye: We need to see which Lei is the real Lei, and we need your help.

Malik: [hesitantly] It doesn't involve any glomping, does it?

Lei #2: [glomps Malik]

Bakura: We're not sure.

Malik: Ummm….

**Three days later.**

Yami: WOULD YOU PLEASE HURRY UP?!?

Malik: Okay.

Lei: What is the point of this? You all know that I am the real Lei!

Lei #2: [mumbles about evil imposters] I'M LEI!! Faye, you know it's me!!

Faye: Actually, I don't.

Lei #2: [sigh]

Lei: [laughs evilly]

Seto: Hey, did you notice that the Lei that was here before with us didn't glomp Ishtaru?

Malik: [pushes Lei #2 off] [hysterically] IT'S ISHTAR!! I THOUGHT WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS!!!

Bakura: [thoughtfully] Kaiba's right. [turns to Lei] How do you explain _that_?

Lei: [nervously] Um…I didn't want to hurt Mawik?

Lei #2: [frowns] Only *I* can call him that! [glomps Malik again]

Malik: [scowls]

Yami: [thinking]

Faye: Pharaoh, do you have an idea? 

Yami: [still thinking]

**Silence.**

Yami: [faints from all the thinking]

Bakura: [pokes Yami]

Seto: [pokes Yami]

Malik: [pokes Yami]

Ryou: [pokes Yami]

Faye: [pokes Yami]

Lei #2: [almost pokes Yami] [stops] Hey, why are we poking Yami?

All: [silent]

Ryou: Uhm…ask them. [points to the others]

Faye: [laughs evilly] We are poking Yami because…[weakly]…because it's fun to poke Yami?

Lei #2: Good enough for me!

Lei: [runs over to Yami] Are you okay, Yami?

Seto: [frowns] Since when did Lei call Yami Yami?

Lei #2: For the last time, I'M LEI!!!

Malik: Wasn't there supposed to be some test involving me?

Faye: Yami was thinking…remember?

Seto: [frowns] Didn't you have a plan, Faye?

Faye: No. I just wanted to torture Malik.

All: [sweatdrop]

Bakura: Who cares, let's just rip off their masks.

Ryou: Uh, what it we pull of the real Lei's head?

Lei: Ouch.

Lei #2: You're not even Lei, what do you have to worry about?

Lei: Am too!

Lei #2: Am not!

Lei: Too!

Lei #2: Not!

Lei: Too!

Lei #2: Not!

Lei: Too!

Lei #2: Not!

Lei: Too!

Bakura: SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Lei and Lei #2: [quiet]

Lei #2: [whispers] Not.

Lei: Too!

Seto: [creeps behind both of them] [rips off their heads/masks]

(A/n: Ewww…)

Silence fills the room. Lei was Yugi. And Lei #2 was Isis. Neither of them were the real Lei.

Malik: [disgustedly] EWWWWWWWWW!!! My own sister was glomping me!!

Isis: [ignoring her brother] [cheerfully] Yugi! You got the same Halloween costume as me!!

Yugi: [just as cheerfully] Cool!!

Others: _ [weirded out]

Ryou: You two do really good acting. You had me completely convinced!

Seto: Hey, Yugi! You called us idiots! Good for you.

Yugi: …

Lei: [walks in] [happily] [grinning] Hi guys!!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! [run into their rooms]

Lei: [confused] What did I say??

A/n: MWAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!! That was so fun to write!!! And so long!

Bakura: _ That was just stupid.

Yami: You poked me! I mean, you made people poke me!

Me: So?

Yami: [crossly] I don't like being poked.

Me: [to herself] Mental note: Yami does not like being poked. Make sure he gets poked a lot.

Review!!

~Amphitrite/Lei


	6. Hang On, Mister Puffball! I'll Save You!

A/n: WOW! Reviews are so nice. They make me feel all warm inside. ^_^ But I think that I'm losing my humor streak. Thank you so much, if you reviewed! I'd also like to thank Shiro Amayagi for adding me on the favorite authors list! It really made my day!! [grins happily]

Yami Malik: [gagging] The perkiness…cannot…take…too…happy…must…have…evil…

Me: [blinks] I can be evil. 

I RECEIVED MORE GIFTS!! From Neko-chan…Thankies!!

Lei: YOU CAN JOIN THE CLIQUE!! [smiles brightly] [hands Neko-chan a button]

Seto~Pixy Stix

Seto: [eyes widen] Suuuugaarrr….

Malik~The Jaws of Life

Malik: [blinks] Thanks.

Yami~Anti-Lei spray

Yami: [grins evilly] This will come in handy. Look out, Lei! 

To me~Anti-Anti Lei spray and a year's supply of Love Potions!!

Lei: What were you saying, Yami? 

Yami: [scowls] Damn.

Yugi~A whole new Exodia

Yugi: [smiles cutely] THANK YOU, NEKO-CHAN! [puts in deck]

Bakura~a stick to poke people with

Bakura: [raises eyebrow] [takes stick] [starts poking Yami]

Yami: HEY! STOP THAT!

From the aforementioned Shiro Amayagi!! Thankies!!

To me~Whee! A long and very sharp sword [grins evilly] and ball and chain sets for the muses! [throws head back and laughs evilly] Also, an extra set of restraints to use on Malik.

Malik: [gulps nervously] [backs away] Uh-oh…

Me: Oh Mawik, I think you should hear this. [thick book appears] [flips noisily] Aha! [reads from page] All Maliks that do not return the feelings of an authoress will change their minds in the face of a ball and chain and 2 pairs of handcuffs.

Yami Malik: [snickers]

Malik: [grouchily] Shut up.

Pegasus~A tattoo on his forehead that is, oddly enough, shaped like a target.

Pegasus: WHY do I have a target on my head? It clashes with my suit!!!

Me: [blink] Say thank you.

Pegasus: [childishly] NO!

Me: [dangerously] Say it…SAY IT. SAY IT. SAY IT. SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT! [whispers] Say it.

Pegasus: [scowls] Thank you, Shiro Amayagi. [gets shot by an dart thrown by Bakura]

Me: [smiles] That's better. Now! Onto the fic...thingy. [points to a room]

Ryou: [uncomfortably] Umm…Lei…you see…the thing is…

Yugi: [finishes] The fic is THAT way. [points in opposite direction]

Lei: Oh. I knew that.

----- 

Isis: [angrily] [holding a GOLD frying pan] MARIKU ISHTAR, YOU GET BACK HERE!!

Malik: [runs away quickly] [is screaming high-pitched voice]

Lei: [blinks] Should I glomp him now?

Serenity: No. I'm having a fun time watching this. [throws popcorn in the air and catches it with mouth]

Lei: Oh. Okay. [sits down next to Serenity]

Isis: RETURN THAT MASCARA AT ONCE!

Lei: O_o Malik stole Isis' mascara?

Yugi: [confusedly] Is this some kind of girl thing?

Serenity and Lei: [blink]

Ryou: [nods] I'm lost.

Malik: WHY THE HELL WOULD I TAKE YOUR MASCARA?!?

Isis: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY!!

Malik: I do?

Isis: YES. [whacks Malik on the head with the gold frying pan]

Malik: [blink] Owww… [faints]

Ryou: Remind me to never get her angry.

Yami: Good thing she doesn't know I was the one who stole her mascara.

Isis: [turns on Yami] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?

Yami: O.O Uh, crazy monkeys are invading the Atlantic Ocean?

Lei: [screams] They are?!? We're going to be taken over by crazy flying monkeys!! [starts rambling about the horror of monkeys taking over the world]

Isis: YOU GIVE MY MASCARA BACK, OR ELSE!!! 

Serenity: See, it's very entertaining.

Yugi: Hmmm. I see your point.

Ryou: …I don't.

Yami: Or else what?

Isis: [face turns even redder in anger] [raises hand to whack Yami with the pan]

Isis is stopped by two figures in white coats. They hoist her up and throw her onto a stretcher, locking her tightly.

Isis: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You'll never take me alive! Beware, I WILL be back, my little evil porcupine!! I WILL be back!! [laughs evilly]

All: O_O [sweatdrop]

Lei: Okay, she's officially gone insane.

Ryou: [waves to a screaming Isis as the two figures wheel her away]

Yugi: Porcupine?

Lei: [shrugs] It's probably an Egyptian thing.

Yami: It most certainly is NOT! [pauses] What's a porcupine?

Silence.

Lei: OH! OH! YAMI!! YAMI!! I FORGOT!!

All: [blink]

Lei: [excitedly] TODAY! TODAY-! TODAY I-! I WENT TO TOYS 'R' US! I-! AND I-! AND THEN-! AND I GOT YOU!! EXCEPT IT WASN'T YOU! IT WAS-! IT WAS-!

All: [blink confusedly]

Lei: AND THEN-! (in awed voice) And…it was BLUE!!!

All: [blink]

Lei: I'm going to send a picture of it to Tricc and Starr tomorrow!! [sighs happily and falls into a cloud of happiness]

All: [blink] [shake heads]

Yami: [clears throat] ANYWAY…can somebody please explain to me what in the world a porcupine is?

Ryou: [looks at Lei concernedly] It's spiky.

Yami: And?

Yugi: It's an animal.

Serenity: And it's blue.

Ryou: Yea—hey! There's no such thing as a blue porcupine!

Serenity: [blinks] There isn't? Well, Joey told me porcupines were blue. [goes back to eating popcorn]

Yugi: Never trust Joey.

Yami: [confusedly] So it's spiky, it's an animal, and it's blue?

Ryou: NO! It's not blue!

Yami: Is it pink?

Ryou: [slaps forehead] NO! It's…normal colored.

Yugi: Normal color? What kind of color is that?

Ryou: It's not a color!

Yugi: Normal is my favorite color! [smiles cutely]

Yami: It's blue. It's blue. Blue. Blue.

Ryou: AAAH!! It's not blue, and it's normal colored!!

Yugi: [eyes blink cutely] Normal is blue?

Yami: I KNOW WHAT A PORCUPINE IS!!

Ryou: [screams] NORMAL IS NOT A COLOR! YES, YAMI, THAT'S NICE THAT YOU KNOW WHAT A PORCUPINE IS NOW, BUT I DON'T REMOTELY CARE, AND YOU PEOPLE ARE GETTING ME CONFUSED AND I'M GETTING MAD!!!

All (not Lei): [blink at Ryou's sudden outburst]

Ryou: [red from all the yelling] [blushes, which makes him even redder] Erm…sorry. I overreacted. 

Yami: A PORCUPINE IS A JUFFLYDUFF!!

All: [blink]

(A/n: Lots of blinking, ne?)

Bakura: [runs in screaming] A JUFFLYDUFF?!? WHERE?!? [jumps into Ryou's arms] I DON'T SEE ANYTHING, PHARAOH!

Yami: Isis called us Jufflyduffs, Tomb Robber.

Bakura: [gets down from Ryou's arms] Oh.

Yugi: Yami, what are "Jufflyduffs"?

Yami: [shivers] They're terrible. They are big and have puffy blue hair, purple eyes, and are…or were…the most feared creatures in Egypt.

Bakura: [nods along with everything Yami is saying]

Serenity: Doesn't sound so threatening to me.

They all hear a distant rumbling and the door that leads outside (and is blocked from the muses' reach) is flattened. A huge form that looks somewhat like a Kuriboh blinked cutely. It had wild puffy blue hair, reddish purple eyes, and had a spike sticking up on the top of its head.

Jufflyduff: [blink] [in a scary and deep voice] Do you know why I'm here?

Yami: [cowers behind Yugi] Don't eat me! I'm the Pharaoh! I don't taste good!

Jufflyduff: [continues to blink confusedly] I am here to—

Bakura: [jumps back into Ryou's arms] Don't eat me! Eat the Pharaoh! He's very fattening.

Yami: [glares at Bakura] Excuse me?

Bakura: [innocent look] What? I said that you were very fattening. What's the problem?

Yami: [self-conscious at the moment] I am NOT fat!!

Serenity: [starts eating popcorn again]

Lei: [finally stops her 'happy phase' and sits back next to Serenity] What are they doing now?

Serenity: [shrugs] Bakura called Yami fat.

Lei: [understanding] Ah.

Ryou and Yugi: [watch wide-eyed as their Yamis argue]

Jufflyduff: [super loud voice] EXCUSE ME!!

Silence. Everyone looks nervously at the Jufflyduff.

Jufflyduff: [desperately] I just wanted to know where the restroom is!!!

All: [blink slowly] [contemplate this] …Oh…

Lei: [quickly] [points at a door] Go in there, three doors to the right, four turns to the left, sixteen steps the left, say the words "Damn, I have to go!" and the door should appear.

Jufflyduff and others: [blink]

Jufflyduff: [mutters what Lei said and walks into the door]

Yami: What kind of restroom is that?!?

Lei: Actually, it's very nice. But if you miss the door, you'll walk into—

Jufflyduff: [distant scream]

Lei: [laughs nervously] Gotta run. Mr. Jufflyduff found my room of snakes. [runs into the door that the Jufflyduff just went through] [distant voice] HANG ON, MISTER PUFFBALL! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!

All: [sweatdrop]

Bakura: [raises eyebrow] Room of snakes?

Yugi: [blinks] Lei keeps a room of snakes?

Serenity: [shudders]

Lei: [comes back and shuts the door quickly] [is holding a bunch of dolls in her hand and a bag of pins]

Yami: [fearfully] Where's the Jufflyduff?

Lei: [nervously] Oh. Him. He…uhh…[quietly] fell into the toilet.

Silence.

Bakura: [snickers]

Yugi: [looking at the dolls] What are those?

Lei: [brightly] OH! These are my hoodoo dollies!!

Ryou: [raises eyebrow] You play with dolls?

Lei: No, silly! Take a closer look! 

All: [lean in to look as Lei lays them side by side]

Yami: Hey! This looks like me! 

There are a total seven dolls. They look like the muses, except with dots for eyes. There's a Yami, a Bakura, a Ryou, a Lei, a Yugi, a Serenity, and a Malik.

Lei: I got them yesterday! Aren't they cute?

Bakura: [looks at his doll] I LOOK NOTHING LIKE THIS!!

Lei: [looks from the doll to Bakura] Actually, you look exactly like this.

Bakura: [scowls]

Lei: [grabs all the dolls and runs into a room (Lei's Toybox…OF DOOM)]

***

In 'Lei's Toybox….OF DOOM'…

Lei: [snickers quietly] 

She has a map of the room that the muses are currently in. All the dolls are placed on the map, where they are really standing.

Lei: [grabs tiny slingshot and shoots a rubber ball at Bakuradoll] 

***

Bakura: [clutches stomach] OW! Damn, that hurt!

Others: [blink]

Ryou: [questioningly] Are you okay, Yami?

Bakura: [sinks to the ground still holding stomach] Blah. [looks around wildly] What the hell just happened?

Yugi: [gets lifted up into the air] [starts giggling]

Bakura: [glares at Yugi] WHAT may I ask, is so damn amusing?

Yugi: [between fits of laughter] Sorry- [giggle] Baku- [giggle] ra [giggle]. I'm tick- [giggle] ticklish!! [bursts into insane giggling]

Others: [watch in silence as Yugi giggles]

Ryou: O_o Yugi, are you okay?

Yugi: [sinks back to the ground] [stops laughing] [uncomfortable] Umm…I think so. Somebody was tickling me.

Yami: But there's nobody here except for us!

Serenity: [screams]

All: [look at her]

Serenity: [is spinning in midair] Just…ate…two...tubs…of...popcorn! Going…to…puke!

All: [blink]

Serenity: [falls to the ground] Who's doing this?!?

***

Lei: [snickers loudly] [makes Yami drape his hand around Bakura's shoulder]

***

Yami: [suddenly walks over to Bakura and puts his arm around his shoulder]

Bakura: [backs away] WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, PHARAOH?!?

Yami: [blink] [looks at arm] Holy shit. [quickly draws arm away…or tries to] IT WON'T MOVE!!

Bakura: [angrily] Get the hell away from me!!!

Yami: [trying to] I CAN'T!!

All: [suddenly hears insane laughter from the room Lei ran into] [run into the room with Yami's hand still around Bakura]

Lei: [laughing her head off] [holding Yamidoll's arm around Bakuradoll's shoulder]

Yami: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Lei: [stops] [blinks innocently] What are you talking about, Yami?

Bakura: [kicks the map] EXPLAIN THIS!!

The dolls get knocked over, therefore resulting in the muses to get knocked over.

All: [fall over in a pile] 

Yami: [tries to get up] THIS ISN'T THE MOST PLEASANT POSITION TO BE IN, TOMB ROBBER!!

Bakura: [on top of Yami] Shut up, you know you like it. [gets off]

All: [glare at Lei]

Faye: [runs in] LEI, DID YOU STEAL MY VOODOO DOLLS??

A/n: I know, I know, not as good as the last chapter. [downcast] I _told _you I was losing my humor streak. [sobs]

Yami: It was just as bad as the other chapters.

Me: [blink] Is that a good thing?

Yami: …depends on how you look at it. 

Bakura: THAT WAS HORRIFYING!!

Me: [sweetly] Thank you! And drop a review on your way out…please!!


	7. Yugi's All Grown Up!

A/n: Hey, I've gone back and read the previous chapters and it actually is quite amusing! But I still think it sucks. T_T 

And you know, if you go back and read chapter 5 knowing that Lei is Yugi and Lei2 is Isis…it's rather…scary…and disturbing.

-----

Lei: [is throwing a tantrum] MILLENNIUM _KEY? _MILLENNIUM _NECKLACE?!?_ **LAME!! **Evil dubbers, I tell you. EVIL!!! Not as evil as me, but EVIL! AND THEY CHANGED IT TO _AMERICA_?!?! That is so not fair and prejudice! Dude, tell me, how can the characters be AMERICAN? Pegasus was freakin' supposed to be American. What did the Japanese ever do to you, _DUBBERS?!? _But _no…_they just HAD to go and freakin' change all of Takahashi-sama's terrific work! Oh those no good doing ba—

Ryou: Uh…Lei?

Lei: [eyes are turning red in anger] What?

Ryou: You could just go buy the uncut DVDs or Video Cassettes…

Lei: [downcast] I don't have money.

Ryou: [frowns] Oh.

Isis: [bursts into room] The people who dubbed that must die.

Lei: [raises eyebrow] I thought you were at the insane asylum.

Isis: I escaped. [clutches the Tauk] TAUK! TAUK! Not Necklace! And the changed my name too! _ It's ISIS!! I-S-I-S! Not 'Ishizu' or whatever. Stupid.

Lei: [whiny] I like the word _tauk_!! And the word _ankh! _And the name _Isis! _They're so…Egypt-ish! And it's so neat being named after a goddess…Which is so cooool…

Isis: [suddenly] You know what? When I get my hands on those dubbers, I'm going to slice open their heads, cut out a piece of their brains (or what's left of it), cook it, then feed it to them! [laughs evilly] Heh. I saw that on Hannibal.

Lei: [blinks] [smirks] I think I like this evil side of yours, Isis. Let's go discuss revenge on the dubbers.

  
  


**They both go into a room…(Discussion for Dubber Annihilation)**

Ryou: [blinks confusedly]

Yugi: [pops out] Hey, Ryou.

Ryou: Hi Yugi.

Yugi: [cautiously] You _are_ Ryou right?

Ryou: Of course! What are you talking about?

Yugi: I mean you're not Bakura pretending to be Ryou, are you?

Ryou: [frowns] No…

Yugi: Are you sure?

Ryou: …Yes.

Yugi: Really?

Ryou: …Yes.

Yugi: Really, really?

Ryou: …Yes.

Yugi: [puppy-eyes] REALLY, really, really?

Ryou: YES, ALREADY, DA—

Yami: [runs in] [clamps hand over Ryou's mouth] No swearing around Yugi. And no rated R movies. And no violence and – [goes on rambling about what cannot be done around Yugi]

Yugi: Damnit, Yami! I'm not a child!

Yami: [gasps] [points at Yugi accursedly] You-I-you-said- [gasps again] you-you-you [eyes fill with tears] YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP!! [starts sobbing into Yugi's shoulder, which is very…low]

Yugi: [excitedly] I AM?!? HOW MANY FEET AM I NOW? [looks down at floor] ^^; I mean, what are you talking about, Yami? I was always grown up.

Yami: [continues sobbing]

Random Woman: [appears]

Yugi and Ryou: [blinks]

Random Woman: [looks around confusedly] [looks at Yugi] [pushes Yami off of Yugi] [pinches Yugi's cheek] OH MY GAWD, you are just adorable! [takes a camera out and starts snapping pictures of a very confused Yugi] How old are you, six, five, eight?

Ryou: He's _fifteen_.

Random Woman: [glares at Ryou] I wasn't talking to you, girlie. [goes back to asking Yugi how old he is]

Ryou: [eyes fill with tears] Girlie? [sniffles]

Random Woman: So how old are you, puddin' pie?

Yugi: [raises eyebrow] Damnit, I'm fifteen!

Random Woman: [gasps] Such bad language for one at such a young age!

Yugi: Look lady, I'm freakin' fifteen, so bug off!

Random Woman: [suddenly vanishes]

Yugi: [blinks]

Yami: [still sobbing]

Bakura: [walks in with Serenity] [doubles over laughing] Heh. Heh. That was _good._ I think you'll make a good partner in crime, 'Renity.

Serenity: [grins evilly] Why thank you, _Bakura_. [looks at the tomb robber] Want to go terrorize the rest of the muses?

Bakura: [evilly] Sure. Let's go. 

**The two run away. Shortly later, screaming can be heard.**

Ryou: …was that just my yami and Serenity…bonding?

Yami: [has fainted to the ground]

Yugi: [stares blankly at his yami] [looks up at Ryou] …Apparently.

Ryou: [shudders]

Seto: [waves hand in Ryou's face] HI!!

Ryou: [blinks rapidly]

Seto: [waves hand in Yugi's face] HI!! [waves hand in Yami's face] HI!! [bounces into another room]

Ryou and Yugi: O_o

Yugi: [shakes head sadly] Sugar and Seto just does not mix, you know?

Ryou: [nods in agreement]

Lei and Isis: [bounce into the room holding gags and chains and ropes]

Yugi and Ryou: O.O

Ryou: [nervously] What's that for?

Lei and Isis: The dubbers!

**Lei snaps and suddenly there are five American figures in the room.**

Figure 1: Huh?

Figure 2: Where are we?

Figure 3: What is this place?

**The room suddenly changes into a dark, grayish room, and the Lei, Isis, Yugi, Ryou, and the unconscious Yami all have cloaks on.**

Yugi: [spins around in cloak] Whee!! I like this!

Ryou: -_-;

Figure 4: Who are you people?

Lei: [chanting] MUST DIE, MUST KILL, MUST TORTURE!!!! [laughs evilly]

Isis: [grins evilly]

Lei: [ties all five dubbers to some wooden chairs]

Isis: [takes off Millennium Tauk and waves in front of the faces] [slowly, as if saying to two year old child] …See…? [points to Tauk] TAUK. T-A-U-K. Not _necklace_. TAUK. Understand?

All Figures: [nod]

Lei: [summons Shaadii somehow] 

Shaadii: [slaps dubbers in the face] [shrieks girlishly] You! You! [points to dubbers] You changed my Ankh to the Millennium Key! KEY? What kind of name is KEY? It's so very BORING! Why? WHY? Tell me! And why did you take away an 'A' and an 'I' in my name? What's wrong with having double vowels in a row? 

Figures: --;

Lei: [puts Shaadii back where he belongs…at…wherever he belongs] 

Isis: [vanishes]

Lei: [evilly] My turn! [walks up to the dubbers, holding her trademark silver and green quill] [shows them the quill] See? I have the Quill. The _Quill of Power_. Ever heard of the saying that the quill is stronger than the sword? [blinks] I have one of those too. [draws out a long sword] ^^ [puts sword back] There's another saying. 

_The Author(ess) is always, and always will be, stronger in many ways than the dubbers._

Lei: [grins] I think that fits the situation, don't ya think?

Figure 2: What are you people talking about?!?

Lei: [narrows eyes suspiciously] [starts screaming incoherent words]

**The muses can make out the words 'Malik', 'my', 'How dare you!', 'TERRANCE?!?', and several creative cursing words.**

**Ten minutes later…**

Lei: [pauses to take breath] [continues screaming incoherent words]

**Five hours and forty three seconds later…**

Ryou: Lei, shut the hell up!

Lei: [finally stops screaming] [eyes water with tears] [hugs Ryou] [puppy-eyes] I'm sowwy, Wyou. I didn't mean to get you mad. 

Ryou: [backs away] [tries to get out of Lei's grasp]

Yugi: [puppy-eyes] What about me?

Lei: [sobs] [goes and hugs Yugi too] [sniffles]

Figure 5: Uh…what's going on here?

Lei: [glares at Figures] Do you mind? The Hikaris and I are having a moment here! [sniffles] [goes back to hugging Yugi and Ryou]

Yugi and Ryou: [silent]

Figures: [silent]

Lei: [silent except for occasional sniffles]

Seto: [bounces into the room] [waves hand in front of everyone's face] HI!!!!! [blinks] [looks at Figures] Who are you?

Figure 1: We're the—

Seto: [gasp] You're those men who have come here to take me away! [starts screaming fearfully] I don't want to go to the padded white rooms! 

Lei: [cheerfully all of a sudden] Those rooms are so COOL!! You can bounce around and stuff! And! And! They let you watch uncut episodes of Yu-Gi-OH!! IT'S SO COOL!!!

Seto: Really?

Lei: [nods]

Seto: I WANNA GO! [pauses] Do they have sugar?

**Silence.**

Lei: …No.

Seto: [sobs] I DON'T WANT TO GO! [starts screaming again]

All: [blink]

Figure 4: Look kid, we're not going to—

Seto: [finishes for them] Feed me sugar? [starts sobbing uncontrollably]

Figures: [decide to stay silent]

Lei: [silent]

Yugi and Ryou: [silent]

Unconscious Yami: [silent]

Seto: [still sobbing]

Lei: [decides to start yelling at the dubbers again and does so]

Yugi and Ryou: [blink] [look at each other] What did we do to deserve this?

Lei: …and how could you have them in AMERICA? AMERICA?!? I'm American myself, BUT YOU MUST HAVE IT IN JAPAN! TAKAHASHI-SAMA DREW IT THAT WAY! BESIDES, DOES DOMINO CITY LOOK _ANYTHING_ LIKE AMERICA?!? IT'S JAPAN, DAMNIT!!

Figure 2: What are you _talking_ about?!?

Lei: Aren't you the dubbers?

Figure 3: What are dubbers?

Lei: Those evil people who cut the Yu-Gi-OH! episodes.

Figure 4: What's Yu-Gi-Oh!?

Lei: You don't know what Yu-Gi-Oh! is?

Figures: [shake heads]

Figure 5: Oh, I think my son watches that show. It's the kid with the funky hair.

Yugi: My hair is not funky!

Figure 5: [blinks]

Lei: [confusedly] If you aren't the dubbers, then who are?

Figures: [look at each other] 

Figure 1: Look kid, I think you're talking about Figure 6, 7, 8, and 9. We're the evil men from the Domino Insane Asylum.

Seto: [eyes widen] NOO!!! DON'T TAKE ME AWAY! DON'T TAKE ME AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THE PADDED ROOMS. NOO!!!!

Figure 2: Relax, kid, we won't take you with us. On the other hand…[glances at Lei]

Lei: [leaps into the air happily] I'm going to the Padded Rooms again to watch uncut Yu-Gi-Oh! [looks at Figures] Wait for me, it'll only take a few minutes for me to pack!

A/n: Heh. I'm betting reading that was really boring.

Y. Malik: [puts papers down] Yep. It was.

Me: I wasn't _talking_ to you, Mr-I'm-So-Cool.

Y. Malik: Who's Mr-I'm-So-Cool?

Me: --; Review on your way out, and make me happy!


End file.
